You could fall in love with many people in your lifetime, but when it comes down to long-term compatibility, love can’t be the only thing keeping you together. Most of us are looking for that one person who we see intertwining our lives with, the one who we love and adore most, the one who will be there for us during the hard times, and the one who we will grow old with. When we first meet someone of interest, we get swept away by their charm and the attention they give us, and we begin fantasizing about a magical happy ending together.
Wait, wait, wait…but do we want the same happy ending? Do you both want kids? How many? Where do you want to live? Do you want to travel a lot or feel more settled in one place? Do you expect them to be the breadwinner or for there to be an equal financial contribution? Do you want to stay monogamous or envision opening up the relationship in the future? Do they need to practice the same religion as you? Do you expect there to be certain gender roles?
I’m sure you’ve thought about a lot of these questions. The tricky part is actually discussing them early on and being firm with your relationship needs and the kind of life you want to build with someone. Fear can come up around believing they’ll think you’re moving too fast if you ask these big questions too soon. So you push it off and in the meantime, you begin developing feelings, you start having sex, and you form an attachment. And the longer you push off these important discussions, the harder it is to face the reality of, “I’m looking for a relationship that will feel functional and fulfilling long-term and because of our incompatibility in future wants and needs, we should see other people.”
Some people try denying that what they want in the future is actually that important. Some keep imagining and waiting for their partner to change their mind, only to be let down year after year that they are the same person with the same wants. And the result is feeling stuck in an unfulfilling relationship because you never took your future wants and needs seriously.
Remember, falling in love is the easy part.
Get clear on what you want in a partner and in your life.
Ask the important questions early on in dating.
Date with the intention of staying true to yourself and what you want long-term.
If you’re ready to dive deeper and invest in creating quality relationships, click the link below to learn more about how I can support you on your journey toward your empowered self!
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